im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
