I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
