I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
