So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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