turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
