I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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