made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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