Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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