i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
