So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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