i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Drunk is not a location!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
