just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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