but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
