how can u be prego again
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
