Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
