I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
