we made out on top of his cat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
