i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
