If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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