So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
