Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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