i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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