There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
