New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
