hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
