you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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