Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
