When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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