Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
