I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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