at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are all done wearing pants today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
