Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
