so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
