I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
