I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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