The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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