Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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