My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
