dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
