I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
