He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
