Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
