I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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