He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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