I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
