In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
