"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
