So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
