12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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