Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
