and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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